Word on the street is that when Kurt Andersen became editor of NY Mag, he banned a list of words/phrases that he didn’t want used in the publication. If only Kurt could come into my office and regulate our e-mails/phone calls/meetings, he’d have a field day, but alas, he doesn’t need to muddle himself in the matters of the corporate world. In his stead, I’ve compiled my own list of trite, nauseating expressions that should come with a swift kick to the gut and nun-chuck infused bitch slap with each use:
fire drill (e.g. “the CFO wants this immediately. stop whatever you’re doing and help with this fire drill.” related ”put out fires”) - pretty sure your laptop won’t burst into flames if you turn in your financial model after it strikes noon. there is no fire—that’s just indigestion. don’t even pretend that you’re performing a civic duty by forecasting next month’s g&a expense
color (e.g. “we’re waiting for more color on the increase in revenue”) - color should be reserved for crayons not due diligence on company earnings
push back - unless you’re an airplane pilot, you’re not pushing anything back but your swivel chair so that you can reach your secret stash of gummy bears
open kimono - just a bad visual with this one. not to mention RACIST. yes, I did just pull the race card.
pick low hanging fruit - let’s be honest, you’ve never even stepped foot on a farm, let alone an apple orchard
incentivize - adding an “ize” to the end of a word doesn’t make it any sexier, just like adding an “o” to the end of an English word, doesn’t turn it into Spanish. i’m going to let “monetize” go for now, but don’t think i didn’t notice.
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